This week was a good week and a hard week! On wednesday we had Elder Perkins from the 70 and his cute wife come and train us ALL day! 8am - 4pm. There wee 6 people from 100 or so missionaries that were called the night before and asked to come in early for an interview with Elder Perkins... I was one of them. It was cool to sit down with him, but it really wasn't what I was expecting it to be. He asked about my family and what I am studying in school. He asked me what he thought one thing our area needed to work on, I told him Members at our lessons with investigators. Then he said, Okay, the time is yours to ask me any question.... my mind was blank.....
All I could think about was how to teach someone to teach... which I basically already knew the answer to... I felt bad that I hadn't come prepared to my interview with questions in mind for him. There I was standing in front of a 70, and unprepared. It made me think about how I show up to sacrament meeting, and other meetings.
Each meeting can and SHOULD always be a revelatory experience. It is not the speaker or the trainer or the teacher who will help you learn... it is the spirit. So, each lesson, each talk, and each study, I now have question. I was sort of doing this already anyway, but not I make sure I have a sincere question and say a sincere prayer. Without fail, your questions are answered. I had written down some questions and things I needed help with at the training, and I had all of those answered too. Since then I have done that at the GW broadcast, and in my studies. Its cool to feel like Heavenly Father is really teaching you and giving you specific answers. It makes the scriptures more meaningful, and it is also very humbling.
Most of the answers to prayers and seeking that I received this week weren't what I was expecting... they were humbling. It's as if Heavenly Father were saying "Sister Cooley.... This is my work. I am in charge. Now, darling, Forget about yourself and just serve and love and everything will be ok."
In the book Believing Christ, the beginning talks about his wife Janet, how she had been trying to save herself... trying to earn her way to the celestial kingdom, trying to buy her own grace. He told her that she needed to understand how much she desperately needs her savior, and needed to accept that she would never make it without him.
In my studies this morning I read Mosiah chapter 2, which just taught that same concept! along with Romans 3.
Sister Marriott also taught the same thing in her address on saturday night. Wow. Talk about heavenly father trying to get through to little stubborn megs. haha. So.. I've set some goals and am doing my best. That's all we can do right?
Last night was a tuffie. I had one of those experiences again where an investigator breaks your heart... plus it didn't help that I had been fasting for 25 hours. This lady told us that she never would join the church and there was contention and I felt the spirit leave. and I ended up crying and... it just wasn't good. So after that meeting, we finally had dinner a 8:30 pm. Other than that, yesterday was really good haha.
I love being a missionary. I have never had a stronger testimony and commitment to the Savior and to the beautiful plan that he has than I do today. I know when I get overwhelmed with the little details, that I can breath and know everything will be ok. He is there. His love never fades or goes away. It is only our own walls that get in our way. Never his.
So what are your walls that you have that keep you from experiencing the fullness of his love and blessings? I know what mine are. Find yours, and find a way to destroy those walls. It might be brick by brick (like mine is), it might be with a wrecking ball, but whatever it is, when you being to take it down, you will feel those rays of sunshine. Those walls have been blocking out the fullness of warmth and light. Yet they have always been there and always will. Just knock down your walls.
I love you all so much. Thank you for your prayers and your love. I appreciate your letters and cards. They help me through each week. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the lessons each of you have helped me learn.
It's not fun unless you draw blood
share till its gone
when the going gets tough, the tough get going